From The Onion:

Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever

February 19, 2003 | Issue 39•06
ROCHESTER, MN—Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. “My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process,” the awesome Gruber said.

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Categories: Bacon bits